I Fix My Eyes

I fix my eyes on a surface. On this surface there are movements. The surface is not the cause of these movements but the movements cannot happen without the surface. The surface is deceptive. No movements exist on it.

I watch intently at first, upright. I want to excavate as much as I can from the surface. As the movements continue to dance on the surface I melt a little bit. Everything melts. There is nothing but the surface and the movements that are not there. The movements are jagged. I fixate on one movement and suddenly it is replaced by another. The jaggedness only helps me to melt further.

There are sounds. They seem to be coming from the surface because they correspond to the movements. The movement of sounds or the sound of movements? I don’t really care; I just continue to melt.

At one point, the movement-sounds cause an activation in my body. The activation comes from somewhere in my abdominal area. My abdominal area expands and contracts rapidly, causing short breaths to come out of my mouth.

There are other activations. One causes me to draw in breath. Another causes my whole body to contract. Another causes movements on the surface of my skin that I cannot see. I have no control over these activations. I cannot experience the sound-movements at my own pace.

An interruption. It seems that there is something besides the surface-movement-sounds. Not possible. I pluck my eyes out of my head, wipe them down and put them back. There. Fixed.

The movements cease. It takes some time to adjust to this even though the movements were never there in the first place. Some of those movements have lodged themselves in my head. They continue to cause activations, albeit of lesser intensities. I am forever altered. The surface remains.